The first of many trial's began 2 day's after Easter 2009 when we found out my Dad's Melanoma had come back with a vengance!!! It was only 4 yrs prior he had surgery to remove a malignant mole on the back of his head about the size of a golf ball, along with some lymph nodes around the area to be sure they got it all. Unfortunately the cancer had already started spreading into his body and went undetected until he started having some shortness of breath. A week later, we found out his Melanoma had taken over most of his body. At the time of diagnosis, he had 6-7cm tumor in the middle of his chest that was encompassing his heart and lungs (which contributed to the shortness of breath), another 6cm tumor on his liver, 3 smaller tumor's in his right lung along with fluid (also making him short of breath) and another 2 or 3 more tumor's in his stomach, all of which were unoperable because of where they were. The only route was chemo along with a tube to drain the accumulating fluid from his lungs. He underwent 3 treatments of chemo only to find out the tumor's continued to grow :( The middle of June was when the Doctor said there wasn't anything else they could do for him and gave him a few weeks to a few months to live, as he was then put on Hospice care. From then on, everything else was just a blur, sometime's my own life seemed like it was slipping away. During those last few months, my Dad tried so hard to stay strong, but I couldn't help but think everynight I went to bed what he was really feeling inside, what it was like to go to sleep knowing this cancer was killing him from the inside out, knowing he wasn't going to grow old with the love of his life, knowing he wasn't going to see his grandkid's grow up, knowing he wouldn't see his youngest daughter graduate High School or walk her down the aisle one day, knowing there would be no more Thanksgiving turkey's with his family or Christmas morning's, knowing everything he worked his whole life for was going down the drain and didn't really matter at all, because life as he knew it, was coming to an end!!! As the summer went on, Dad grew weaker and more tired, but he kept going. He tried to close up and finish all that he could so Mom wouldn't have to deal with so much of the stresses on her own. Some day's we just sat around and watched movies, reminisced about old times, ate brownies and donuts (LOTS of them...we had to try and fatten him up as he was losing a lot of weight from the chemo and meds he was on) and really just soaked up as much time as we could together as a family, because we had no idea when he would be going HOME to Jesus!!! Nothing can prepare you for watching your parent fall so weak, weary and helpless, but the day came when he could no longer get out of bed (oh he sure tried and was determined he could do it, I watched as my Mom tried to fight reality and convince herself that he was just having a bad day, then the bad day turned into the beginning of the end. That whole next week, we all got to have some alone time with Dad and got to say what we wanted to each other. I then walked into the house on Monday morning and there he lay in a coma from his liver failing, unresponsive to us, although still in pain (the moaning and groaning continued to get worse as the week went on) We expected him to slip away anytime, Hospice was there around the clock, I stayed all night almost every night that week because I didn't wanna miss "that moment"!!! It wasn't until that Friday (talk about being a fighter, his liver failed on Sunday, they told us after his liver failed...it would be no more than 2-3 days later he would pass) he really had a rough day, the nurses couldn't get him comfortable, with him being in a coma all week, he hadn't spoken or woke during the entire time, however through all the pain, moaning and groaning my Mom went in to lay with him, she picked his head up to rearrange his pillow, he opened his eyes and looked at her and said "I love you Margaret"!!!! My Mom just layed wtih him all afternoon as the nurses kept pumping him with morphine to try and ease his pain. Later that night, my brother and I had to get out of the house (it was the toughest day of my life listening to him being in pain all day and not being able to help) so we went to my house to get the kid's some clothes as we had all decided we were staying the night that night. My Aunt and cousin(Mom's sister & niece) were driving up from Illinois after work, they arrived about 10:30 or so, went in to see Dad, after a little while went in the living room, then Mom left the room to follow her sister, when he went to be with Jesus!!! (I remember Johnny calling me and I thought that my Aunt & cousin had just arrived, however he say's to me "Amy, he's gone" My brother and I cried harder than we've ever cried in our lives (well I sure did), one because he was gone, two because I felt bad about not being there when he did pass. Now looking back though, he didn't want anyone with him when he passed and he knew Mom's sister was there for her and it was ok for him to go then, which happened to be 11:00pm our time, midnight Eastern time. This timing we would later find out was the exact time the Space Shuttle was taking off for a mission to space. Then it was all clear, he knew when he was going home and we talked about it several times with him, however all the pieces didn't fit together until after he was gone. See Dad had asked Johnny a few weeks before when the shuttle was supposed to launch, then it was delayed, he had talked to Mom about it as well, wondering when it was taking off. Little did we know, that was his flight home!!!!
Whew, I made it through, God carried us through and even though life doesn't go the way we want it, if you trust in Him with all your heart, He will NEVER leave your side. Now I see how His plan has worked out and while I don't understand every single part of it, I am thankful that He brought us here to live for 8 yrs. I couldn't imagine going through the past year away from my family, let alone all the memories we have with my parent's since we moved here. My kid's remember the concert in the park's, the 4th of July's, birthday's, holiday's and just going to Grammy and Grampy's for dinner or just stopping by to say hi. Those memories they remember are absolutely PRICELESS!!! Honestly, it's their precious little thoughts that get me through the day's when I'm sad or missing my Dad, they so innocently say, "Mommy, Grampy is with Jesus, why are you so sad?" To them, what they know is Jesus died on the cross so that we can go to Heaven and live with Him forever, so they know we're going to see Grampy again soon, but don't feel the sadness I do because he's gone from our physical prescence. I thank God for giving me these little blessing's to remind me to hold on to those memories I have and look forward to being with Jesus for eternity!!!
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